Most new college grads get a pat on the back and maybe a “we’re proud of you” dinner. But when 23-year-old Caitlin earned her master’s degree in cybersecurity, her mom had a different kind of message: You’re my retirement plan.
“My mother informed me that she has zero saved for retirement and expects me to take care of her during her retirement years,” Caitlin told Dave Ramsey and George Kamel during an episode of “The Ramsey Show.”
Caitlin, who lives in Memphis, Tennessee, and just entered a high-income field, said she doesn’t want to abandon her mom—but needed advice on how to prepare financially.
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Ramsey didn’t hold back.
“What part of her childhood trauma has damaged her psychologically to make this ridiculous butt statement?” he asked bluntly.
Her mother, just 46, works as a secretary making around $30,000 a year. Caitlin said she believes the problem is a lack of knowledge—not malice. But Ramsey still called it what it is.
“For a 46-year-old to plan on retiring broke and be taken care of by their children is misbehavior in the American culture,” he said. “Now, in some cultures it would not be. But in North America, in Memphis, Tennessee, that’s misbehavior.”
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Ramsey urged Caitlin to first focus on her own financial success.
“You need to become wealthy, and you’re going to do that… You’re going to be a multi-millionaire by the time you’re 40,” he said. “So you’ll be able to write her checks. That does not mean you should, but mathematically you would be able to.”
He then offered a more productive path: invite her mom to join her in taking Ramsey’s signature personal finance course. “Let’s get her believing, having some hope that she actually could have the dignity of controlling her own destination without depending upon her daughter,” he said.
Kamel chimed in with a warning about what happens when guilt replaces boundaries.
“If you’re not careful, there’s an emotional trap in this relationship,” he said. “Mom puts the pressure on you to do this. You love your mom. You don’t want to disappoint mom. So here’s what happens—you do something that inherently you know you shouldn’t have to do… and in trying to please your mom, you end up resenting your mom.”
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Ramsey agreed: “I don’t want you signing up at 23 years old for a 46-year-old babysitting job. That’s just ridiculous.”
In closing, he told Caitlin what he believes is truly going on. “I don’t know what kind of person it is that actually feels okay about themselves when they are planning to fail and dump it on their own kids.”
Ramsey offered to cover the cost for Caitlin and her mom to enroll in the class together. “We want to help you fix this problem,” he said. “But I want you to hear me loud and clear: Mom is responsible for Mom. Not you.”
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