For some couples, disagreements over money mean quibbles about takeout versus cooking at home. For one 34-year-old husband, it meant asking his wife to either rein in her spending or accept an allowance — and her response was a swift “then divorce me.”
The post, shared on the AITAH subreddit, detailed a day-in-the-life of his 34-year-old wife, who stays home while the kids are in school. According to him, once they’re on the bus she goes back to bed, then heads to Starbucks for a coffee and bagel while scrolling her phone. After a gym session, she often spends the afternoon shopping. Sometimes she just browses, but other months she’s racked up $1,500 on clothes, nails, hair, makeup, and false eyelashes with brand names like “baddie.”
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Frustrated, he told her they needed a budget. If she couldn’t stick to one, she’d either have to get a job or live on an allowance. That ultimatum sparked the fight. She snapped that if he wanted a working wife, he should have married a “hardworking girl,” and punctuated the argument with “then divorce me.”
Readers were quick to weigh in. “You needed to put her on an allowance yesterday if she has no respect for the budget. Now is the second best time,” one wrote. Another offered a system that worked in their own marriage: “We have three checking accounts. One for bills, then we each have our own to spend as we wish. Everyone gets an allowance.”
Some commenters warned him that setting an allowance could backfire. “She’s gonna tell everybody he’s financially abusing her,” one argued. Others thought divorce might be inevitable anyway: “If you divorce her she’ll be forced to go on a budget and/or get a job.”
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Seasoned voices chimed in as well. “Running a household has to be run like a small business for it to thrive. Plus you gotta save for retirement, illness, you never know what life is going to throw at you,” one stay-at-home mom of 20 years explained. Another recalled their own upbringing, where their mother, a stay-at-home parent, “ruled the checking account with an iron fist” despite their father being a physician.
The situation highlights what researchers have found again and again: mismatched beliefs about money can chip away at even strong marriages. In a March study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Brigham Young University professor Ashley LeBaron-Black and her colleagues examined these beliefs — known as “money scripts” — and how they shape financial communication and relationship satisfaction.
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According to the researchers, mismatched views on spending, saving, or secrecy are some of the most common causes of conflict between spouses. Without a system, a simple coffee habit or a shopping spree can snowball into a fight about control, responsibility, and even the future of the marriage.
For this husband and wife, the debate isn’t really about Starbucks runs or a pair of “baddie” lashes. It’s about what happens when two people approach money with very different values — and whether their marriage can find a balance before the budget, and the relationship, runs out.
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Image: Shutterstock
