Ellie, a part-time nurse from Dallas, said she earns $40,000 a year but doesn’t control her paychecks.
“He’s gotten so financially abusive,” she said. “He transfers what he wants to my account. I can’t see the other accounts.” She told “The Ramsey Show” hosts John Delony and George Kamel this month that her husband gives her money while keeping control of the rest.
Advice From The Ramsey Show
Ellie explained that her earnings go into a joint account but most funds are quickly moved elsewhere, leaving her fearful to withdraw more than her husband permits.
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After listening, Delony responded candidly: “I can tell you right now: he sucks. That’s not a way to be married to somebody.” He added that the situation showed signs of deeper problems beyond finances. Kamel echoed the concern, asking whether she had any practical control left in the joint account.
Strain On Marriage And Safety
Ellie said she has raised concerns about feeling unsafe in the marriage, but conversations with her husband have not changed the arrangement. Despite earning her own income, she fears that challenging him could lead to retaliation, such as losing access to her phone or car insurance during a possible divorce.
“He has left you so long ago. He just never filed papers,” Delony said on the show. He addressed the emotional weight of her story directly and urged her to grieve the reality of her marriage while beginning to prepare for independence.
Her biggest question to the hosts was clear: “How do you get out when you have no access to any of the finances?”
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Taking Ownership Of Finances
The hosts advised Ellie to redirect her paycheck into an individual account she controls, even if her husband reacts negatively. “You’re going to take ownership of the things you have control over and there’s more in control than you think,” Kamel said.
“You make $40,000 a year, and you could turn a switch on and make $65,000 starting tomorrow and it would change your children’s lives,” Delony said. He emphasized her earning potential, adding, “You could have an apartment tomorrow if you wanted one. Period.”
The discussion also turned to legal next steps. Delony recommended seeking a divorce attorney who might take payment after settlement, an option often available in financially abusive situations. He explained that regaining access to her full paycheck would make saving for legal costs possible if upfront fees were required.
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