Jenny from Atlanta is a 40-year-old surgeon with a big career and a big problem: her boyfriend doesn’t want to work.
On a recent episode of “The Ramsey Show,” she told Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze that she made $280,000 in her first year as a surgeon and expects to make nearly $500,000 this year. Her boyfriend, a 51-year-old actor, worked just two days last year and earned under $23,000. He doesn’t qualify for the actor’s union health insurance and has no other job on the side.
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A Deal Breaker?
Her boyfriend told her that since the house would be in her name and she earns significantly more, he doesn’t believe he should contribute to the mortgage. “He also can’t,” Jenny said.
Jenny wanted to know if it was wrong to consider this a deal breaker, even though she could afford to cover everything herself. Ramsey and Cruze didn’t hesitate.
“Is that attractive to you? Are you like, ‘What a winner?’” Cruze asked. Jenny responded, “This is not how I had imagined being in a relationship.”
Cruze acknowledged that chasing an acting dream isn’t the problem; it’s the lack of effort. “I’m not mad at the dream, but the fact that there’s nothing in between that’s happening… that’s not attractive to me as a woman who works.”
Ramsey was even more direct: “He clearly is an unmotivated slug.”
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Jenny admitted she felt uneasy about being the sole provider in the relationship. “Even though I can provide for myself, I thought a relationship would be a partnership,” she said. “I don’t care if he makes as much money. I care that he doesn’t work,” Ramsey interjected.
She said he claims to get some residuals from past acting work, but it’s not enough to live on. She’s tried to talk to him about getting a side job or doing something productive, but nothing’s changed.
Ramsey cut to the heart of the issue: “If you had a daughter that asked you this question, what would you tell her?”
Jenny didn’t hesitate. “I would probably say, ‘Can’t you find a better guy?’”
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That’s when Ramsey told her what she likely already knew. “You already have made this decision and you just wanted someone else to say it out loud.”
He warned that going forward with this relationship would only result in resentment. “You’re not suddenly going to have peace with this,” he said. “You’re going to get increasingly resentful and increasingly bitter.”
Cruze pointed out that even if traditional gender roles are reversed, a partner still needs to show some kind of contribution. “This is just, ‘I’m going to sit on a log,’” Ramsey added.
Jenny finally agreed: “You’re right. Thank you for being a mirror that I needed to see.”
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