After my divorce, my kids started living out of bags, going back and forth between my home and their dad’s each week.
It’s been like this for five years, but this school year added something new to the shuffle. My son and daughter, now 11 and 13, suddenly became interested in styling their hair every morning. They wanted specific hair care products and personal care items of their own.
Suddenly, we weren’t just packing clothes, shoes, school bags, and sports equipment; we were also packing hair products, favorite shampoos, perfumes, colognes, and body washes. I love when my home and bathroom smell like my kids’ favorite scents, but practically speaking, it felt ridiculous to schlep all of it back and forth every week.
This winter, I started buying two of the special items they love, making the back-and-forth easier and easing some of the stress that comes with not having small comforts.
I bought duplicates of things they love
I bought duplicate shampoos my daughter loves, one for my house and one for her dad’s. I found a smaller, on-sale bottle of the Replica perfume she’s obsessed with, so she could keep it with her. My son is really into his hair products, and I’ve started stocking up on those, along with the body washes he likes. He wanted a Versace cologne, so I bought a full-size bottle for my home and a travel-size version for him to bring with him.
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My kids are also at the age where a random zit can feel like a crisis, so I bought each of them an extra moisturizer to help with blemishes, plus an extra box of pimple patches they can share at their other home. In a way, I hope these products are helpful when I’m not there to offer advice. As a worrier, it brings me relief knowing they have what they need wherever they are.
As a divorced parent, I’ve remained the default for buying clothes, shoes, school supplies, and now personal care items. I pay attention to what makes my kids feel confident. I often ask myself, would I want to go a full week without my favorite shampoo or hair product? Knowing they have the things they love, even in smaller or travel-size versions, makes me feel better no matter whose week it is.
Some things are too expensive, though
Of course, not everything can be duplicated. My son has one pair of Apple headphones that goes back and forth. My daughter’s iPad travels with her. They each have a phone. The clothes they love are packed into reusable bags every week, along with three or four pairs of shoes. In cooler months, sweaters and jackets get added to the pile.
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Packing up their lives is exhausting. Sometimes I pack for them even though they’re capable, because I understand the emotional weight of the divorced-kid routine. I wouldn’t want to do what they do every week: loading bags with clothes, shoes, sports equipment, backpacks, Chromebooks, and then living out of them.
I could coordinate more with their dad or create shared shopping lists, but our relationship didn’t end well, and I’d rather limit contact. What matters most is that my kids have what they need without worry.
Once the car is loaded, I always tell them I’ll see them soon. We share a moment, maybe a joke, a memory, a compliment, or something to look forward to. Watching the other door close always hurts. My love for them rises straight to my eyes. I take a deep breath as I walk back to my car. I miss them immediately, but knowing they have the things that make them feel good while we’re apart warms my heart.
