Dear Society, Do You Want Me to Helicopter Parent or Not?

As a family that has chosen to embrace technology and raise tech-savvy kids, screens are an integral part of our everyday family life. From the Skylight calendar in our kitchen that helps me manage the schedules of four busy kids to the smartphones my adolescents now possess, we see how technology improves our lives. We are just as apt to spend an afternoon working on the family Minecraft world as we are to play a board game (though we love those too).

However, as soon as the weather breaks, my kids naturally migrate outdoors. We love to bike, hike, swim, and camp — and warmer temps typically mean my kids naturally reduce screen time.

Recently, though, I have been frustrated by the mixed messages society sends us moms. Like most nosy neighbors, I am in all of our community’s local groups. I see posts by older generations bemoaning the techy life my kids are living. “Get them off of screens and outdoors!” they lament.

But the second the weather breaks, those posts shift from screeds against screens to rants about children playing in public spaces.

The freedom my kids have has been earned

We live in a walkable, safe community where our adolescents enjoy freedom. Since toddlerhood, we’ve taught our children how to cross a road, pay at stores and restaurants, and be respectful of others in our community—from picking up their trash to not trampling someone’s flowers. The freedom our kids now have was earned.

In addition, our town feels like the type of place older relatives reminisce about. My kids literally know to bike home when the street lights come on, like in a 1950s sitcom. That’s why I am surprised so many adults seem uncomfortable with kids on the loose.

In general, I am not concerned about my kids’ safety in our tiny Pittsburgh borough, but I am worried about others’ judgment. I worry more about someone reporting my kids to the authorities when they are exercising the freedom we’ve given them than about anything bad befalling them.

I worry about what other people are going to say or do if they are out alone

I worry that when I send my 13-year-old off on his bike to head to Boy Scouts, someone will criticize me for not biking with him (or driving him). I worry that my 11-year-old twins will receive a noise complaint while playing basketball in the alley until sunset with neighbor kids, because it has already happened once. I was nearby, just on the other side of a fence, and heard nothing but the joyous laughter of happy kids on a summer evening.

I am still unsure why that was so bothersome to some anonymous neighbor. Still, I imagine them furiously typing up a Nextdoor post about how they never see kids playing outdoors anymore.

It feels both ironic and cruel.

I feel like I’m on an impossible tightrope

It’s a common refrain: Today’s kids are too lazy, too entitled, and don’t want to work. At the same time, when my kids go door-to-door asking to shovel walks for a few bucks, people are scared to open their door. I worry that someone will reprimand me for sending my child to pick up milk at the corner store so I can finish cooking dinner. It feels like an impossible tightrope.

How are we parents supposed to raise independent kids in a world that decries our attempts? How can we get them off the screens and outside to play while somehow keeping them endlessly in our sight?

To those not currently parenting, I only ask for one thing: grace. Grace to raise these little humans as best we can in a rapidly changing world. Grace to raise up adults who appreciate a lazy gaming day just as much as they appreciate a good day of yard work. Grace that you were given in a world that was smaller and more insular — and yet really not that different from the neighborhood my kids are learning to be adults in.