As My Children Graduate High School and College, I Feel Joy and Grief

I’m not sure how it happened, but once my oldest graduated from high school, time went warp speed on me.

Two of my kids have now graduated, and all four of my children will be out of high school in less than five years. One of them just graduated from college.

So I’ve had a lot of experience dealing with the emotions — both positive and negative — that come as kids grow up and leave the nest.

The realization that my kids were moving on didn’t just hit me at graduation

I don’t really get emotional at graduation ceremonies because the actual day is very busy. I’m typically getting everyone to the right place at the right time, planning parties, getting tickets, and making sure we have food. It’s kind of stressful in the moment.

But I’m the queen of mourning my kids’ childhood at random times, well before they ever walk across that stage.

In my son’s sophomore year of college, I was watching him in the marching band. They did a pre-game parade through the college campus, and he was laughing with friends, playing, and just loving where he was in the moment. I started sobbing in the middle of our tailgating party. It hit me that he only had two more seasons left to enjoy this. It’s an activity with a limited lifespan, and it was already halfway over.

I was at my other son’s end-of-season banquet in his junior year, and the seniors were making speeches and passing along advice and silly gag gifts to the upcoming class. Even though he had a year and a half left of high school, again, I cried when I realized what was coming — and what was ending.

My kids’ school years have been a mix of joy as I watch them learn and flourish, and wistful sadness as I see how fast their childhoods are going. It’s all a grieving process.

I’m proud of all that we accomplished as a family

Mixed with sadness about them getting older is the realization of how proud I am of these kids. I’m sure I’m biased, but I find them to be fascinating people. I like the adults they’re growing into. I enjoy being around them.

I’ve had the same reaction every time we hit a milestone in this family. When each of them learned to walk, it was bittersweet because they were growing up, but I was also proud of their new skill. The same was true for the first day of school, when they learned to swim, and when they learned to drive. Graduation is a huge step forward, but all of us parents have been slowly training for it with smaller steps along the way.

I’m proud of myself, too. All those runs to the store to grab poster boards and markers, all those evenings helping with homework, all those carpools to school plays, sports practices, and music lessons. We all worked so hard, and now I have actual grown children who need me less because I did my job well.

It helps to remember how I felt when I graduated

There’s one more thing I do when I start feeling melancholy about my kids growing up. I remember my own high school and college graduations. I was so excited for both.

I was ready for new college adventures. I couldn’t wait to move out of the only home and city I had ever lived in and be on my own. After college, I was ready to be a working woman with my own apartment and a whole set of matching dishes. I couldn’t wait to throw grown-up dinner parties and have friends pop by like we were living in a sitcom. I was even excited about paying my own bills.

I know my kids are anticipating these big moves, too. If they’re anything like I was, they’re nervous but ready to try new things without their parents. While I will miss them like a part of my actual body, I can’t wait to see what they do next.