Friends, Family Told Us Not to Homeschool Our Kids; We Didn’t Listen

When our sons were 3 and 6, my husband and I attended a homeschooling conference led by an expert and author in the field. During one session, the speaker asked the audience to share what traits they hoped their children would develop in school. Integrity, critical thinking, creativity, and curiosity were among the answers. She then posed a thought-provoking question: “How much emphasis do you think public schools place on teaching these values?” She added, “Who here believes that if parents take control of their children’s education, they can instill those traits?”

My husband turned to me and said, “You know we have to do this, right?”

“Do we, though?” I replied, horrified by the prospect of having our children underfoot indefinitely.

Our sons had never thrived in early childhood education programs — I jokingly referred to them as nursery school dropouts, so we decided to give homeschooling a whirl. While many of our friends embraced our decision, others were less supportive. My husband’s family, which has many members with advanced degrees, was fairly horrified. My own parents, less concerned with academic prestige but still valuing basic formal education, tried to convince us otherwise. As my mother succinctly put it, “You will eventually send them to school, right?”

We had good days and bad days

We never did send them to public school. Luckily, our circumstances worked in our favor. My husband had retired early, and as a freelance journalist working from home, I could devote time and energy to the homeschooling endeavor.

We quickly became involved in homeschooling groups, participating in book clubs, field trips, and park days. We hired tutors for subjects like English and math, but my husband had a vision of creating what he called “Renaissance children,” which he described as kids having a classical education grounded in literature, debate, music, and art.

While this vision sounded delightful, there were many days when the boys squabbled with each other or resisted our attempts to teach them. There were also plenty of days when they felt bored and isolated, and I found myself regretting our choice, missing the quiet, freedom, and joy of an empty house five days a week.

Our kids thrived

Despite the challenges, everything worked out. Our older son, who displayed an early aptitude for classical piano, was able to devote himself entirely to music. By age 13, he started attending community college, and at 16, he was accepted to UCLA on a full scholarship to study music composition. He now teaches piano and occasionally performs as a guest entertainer on cruise ships, traveling across the Caribbean and South Pacific. He’s soon to begin his Master’s degree in music composition.

Our younger son was less focused, but had a wide range of interests. He excelled in chess tournaments, spent hours building radio-controlled airplanes, and at 16, started a business by transforming an old Ford van into an ice cream truck. His love for aviation led to flying lessons at 17, and today, at 20, he’s a flight instructor and works as a pilot, offering airborne tours to tourists.

Our sons are mostly happy with our decision

While both sons are grateful for the time and freedom they had to explore their passions, they have been candid with me about homeschooling’s shortcomings. They lacked exposure to subjects like chemistry and geography, and friendships were harder to form. Without the daily interaction of school, they had no consistent group of peers and no shared school experiences to bond over. Homeschool socializing was erratic and often a logistical challenge, relying on parents to arrange meetups.

What I find most heartening, however, is that despite these drawbacks, both sons say they would most likely homeschool their own children one day. “We’d do it differently,” they both agree, outlining a list of modifications they would make. “But still, we’d do it.”

That makes me happy to hear, especially given the pushback people gave me years ago around our decision. But more than what they may or may not do in the future with their own children, I can only look at who they have become; thoughtful, well-rounded and productive young men — the sort of adjectives that were thrown out at that conference all those years ago.