Sarah, a caller from Fresno, California, told “The Ramsey Show” she applied for a mortgage forbearance without telling her husband, allowing the arrangement to continue for nearly a year before she disclosed it. She said about $16,000 in missed payments had been added to the end of her loan by the time she told him.
After hearing the details, personal finance host Dave Ramsey said immediate trust should not be expected after prolonged financial secrecy. “He’d be nuts to trust you instantly,” co-host John Delony said.
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A Quiet Mortgage Pause
Sarah said she applied for the forbearance in September 2021 and initially expected it to last only a short time. Instead, it continued until July 2022. She said she did not tell her husband when it began and only disclosed it months later after waking up with anxiety about the situation.
She explained that she and her husband had never combined finances. She paid the mortgage while he handled other household bills, which allowed the missed payments to go unnoticed during the forbearance period.
Sarah said the missed payments were not caused by job loss or an emergency. She said she had been overspending, was not saving money, and had accumulated additional debt.
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A Hard Year And Conversations Put Off
Sarah said her stepson died late in the year, describing the period as especially stressful. She said the loss coincided with the time she chose not to address the forbearance.
When the forbearance ended, the deferred amount was added to the back of the loan, and regular mortgage payments resumed. Ramsey confirmed the loan was current at the time of the call and that Sarah’s husband was aware of the situation.
Sarah said she had asked whether they could combine incomes and create a joint budget but said it had been difficult to get her husband to sit down and work through finances together.
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How The Hosts Addressed Trust
Delony asked why Sarah felt hiding the forbearance was safer than telling her husband. She said she did not want him to be angry and did not want her spending habits exposed. Delony said Sarah was not describing fear of physical harm, and both he and Ramsey said the issue was shame.
Ramsey then shifted to what rebuilding trust would require. He said trust would not return immediately. “We can rebuild communication and we can rebuild trust,” Ramsey said, adding that both partners should have full visibility into their finances.
He said working on finances should begin with an apology and a shared plan. “The best way to do that is to work on your money together,” Ramsey said. He said both partners should be able to see every bill and every expense while they rebuild trust over time.
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