‘He’s My Child,’ Says Wife During Arguments — So Stepfather Threatens To Stop 14-Year-Old’s College Fund If He’s ‘Not Our’ Son
- Personal Finance
ThePostMaster- 0
- 7 minutes read
It wasn’t just one sentence that broke him. It was a pattern — the same message delivered in different ways over the years, always in the heat of an argument, always reminding him that his role as “dad” was conditional.
In a Reddit post titled “AITA for threatening to stop contributing to my stepson’s college fund after my wife said he’s not ‘our’ son?”, the man said he married his wife when her son was three years old. The boy’s biological father had no involvement and provided no support, and he stepped fully into the role of parent. “I tried my best to be the best dad since day one,” he wrote.
For years, he said, the arrangement worked without conflict.
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He brought it up several times, hoping the comments would stop. According to the post, they didn’t.
The Conversation That Led to the College Fund Threat
The breaking point came when the couple sat down for an hour while their son was out of the house. The stepfather said he wanted to explain how being excluded during arguments made him feel like a temporary parent rather than an equal one.
The discussion turned into a fight. During it, he told his wife that if she viewed the boy as only her son, then the financial responsibility tied to that decision should also fall on her. That included the college fund they had been contributing to equally for the past two and a half years.
He said he wasn’t planning to stop saving altogether. Instead, he would set aside the same monthly amount privately until the issue between them was resolved. His wife, he wrote, was highly upset by the decision.
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Responses Focused on Respect, Not Just Money
One user said, “She’s being hypocritical. She says he is ‘her’ son to try and diminish your authority, yet still expects you to give him money so she doesn’t have to.” Another wrote, “She says that to be deliberately hurtful and to marginalize what he’s adding to his son’s life.”
A popular comment added, “You can’t push someone out emotionally and then still expect full responsibility when it’s convenient.” One user, who said he divorced over the same dynamic, wrote, “When they needed something they were ours, but if I had an opinion or they needed discipline they were hers.”
Several also warned that if these comments are made in front of the boy, the emotional damage may be lasting. As one put it, “Pretty soon he’ll be parroting the same thing — ‘You’re not my dad.'”
Others took a practical view, pointing out that the money ultimately belongs to him and that financial contributions should reflect how responsibilities are shared within the household. A few readers cautioned that tying the college fund to an apology could unintentionally affect the boy, even if the money is still being saved elsewhere.
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Financial Planning Gets Complicated in Blended Families
Situations like this are common in second marriages, where emotional roles and financial responsibilities don’t always evolve at the same pace. A stepparent may take on day-to-day parenting duties while legal or biological distinctions remain unresolved, which can create tension when long-term financial decisions come into play.
That’s one reason financial advisors often recommend clear agreements around education savings, inheritance planning, and shared expenses in blended families. Defining expectations early can prevent disagreements later, especially when parenting authority and financial responsibility become intertwined.
In this case, the disagreement started with a sentence said in anger. The fallout, however, raised a larger question about what it means to be considered a parent after more than a decade of showing up like one.
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