“That’s above my pay grade.”
It’s often said as a joke, sure, but it could also be a real response to one of the biggest challenges many workers face on the job: How to say no.
Many people have experienced “job creep,” where they’re gradually given more and more responsibilities, or are otherwise asked to do work they simply don’t have time for. Tactfully declining seems like the obvious solution, but it’s easier said than done.
“People don’t know how to say no,” etiquette expert Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute told Business Insider.
“If you talk about the high-level business advice, the people that excel, the super achievers, the A-list CEOs and entrepreneurs, they will all tell you that their day is a thousand nos and one yes,” fellow etiquette expert Daniel Post Senning added. “Your capacity to say no is a professional skill as well as a social and personal skill.”
The experts’ book, “Emily Post’s Business Etiquette,” went on sale May 20 and covers how to politely decline in various business-related situations. They shared with BI some additional tips for doing so.
These aren’t one-and-done solutions. But they can help you get more comfortable with saying no and setting boundaries at work.
It’s easier when it’s an immediate or shorter-term ask and you can deflect with a fast-approaching deadline for another project.
“It’s a lot harder when you start to get asked to do much more than the job you were hired for, and the expectation is just that you’re going to do it and take it on because the company needs you to,” said Post. “I have seen numerous friends go through this where they say, ‘I’m all of a sudden doing the job of three people and I still only have the salary I started with.'”
In those cases, the best advice is to “really spell it out,” Post said.
“The only thing you can do is encourage that person to speak up to their employer about it and to talk about it in a real sense of ‘I am experiencing burnout’ or ‘The work quality would really start to diminish,'” she said. “Come prepared to talk about why it’s overwhelming and why you don’t have enough time to make this happen.”
Beforehand, consider “doing an honest assessment” of your track record when saying no, Post Senning said. What specifically do you struggle with, and what do you tend to fall back on? What could you do better?
When preparing for and actually having the conversation, pay attention to your emotions to keep them in check.
“Separating the emotional fight-or-flight response — that’s your reaction to the stress of what’s happening — from the way that you respond to the person is a really important part of good etiquette,” Post Senning said. “The difference between ‘No, I can’t believe you asked me to do that’ and ‘I’d like to sit down and talk with you about my workload’ is huge.”
It can help to remind a colleague what’s on your plate and explain that you’d only be able to take on a new task if you deprioritized other assignments.
Some people might benefit from mentally reframing these conversations. Instead of viewing it as rejecting a colleague’s request, you can think of it as setting boundaries to build sustainable work habits.
“It’s an important professional skill,” said Post Senning. “It’s an important part of communication, particularly for the benefit of the people around you.”
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