I Don’t Wear Makeup; I Want to Be Accepted the Way I Look

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Shubhangini Prakash, founder and CEO of skincare line Feather and Bone.

When I was around 6, my mom told me lipstick would stain my lips. I had asked her to help me put some on for the school play, and she refused. Instead, I asked my neighbor’s mom to do it for me. The next morning, I looked in the mirror and remembered thinking my lips had changed color. I’m not sure whether they had, but it confirmed that my mom had been right.

I never wore makeup again until I left the UK to start college in the US. In the UK, I felt confident without makeup, but not in the States. To fit in at college, I started wearing eye shadow and eyeliner. It felt like I was becoming a different character, not myself. I also found the products irritated my eyes.

Since then, I’ve rarely worn makeup, including for my two weddings.

I didn’t get much attention when going to bars

When I entered the workforce at 22, I stopped wearing makeup unless I was messing around and being silly with my friends. I wore nothing except a little lip gloss at work, out socializing, or on dates. I wanted to be accepted and respected for who I was, not because of the makeup put on my skin.

On nights at bars with my friends, I didn’t get the same attention as other women with dolled-up faces. I couldn’t compete, but I would not wear makeup — I didn’t feel 100% like myself with it on.

I wanted to find a romantic partner who liked me, not some made-up version of me.

If men don’t have to wear makeup to attract a woman, why should a woman spend hours on her makeup for a man? I wanted to be seen as equal to a man, and not wearing makeup has become a way to channel that desire for equality.

My now-husband never gave me a hard time about not wearing makeup

At 30, I was getting ready to launch my business, and a makeup artist offered to provide me with a full makeover for a commercial I was working on. I’d never had a full face of makeup in my life. Walking around afterward, with concealer, foundation, blush, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick, I got all the looks from people I passed.

It confirmed what I knew to be true — that makeup could get me noticed. Rather than making me want to wear it more, the makeover made me want to wear makeup even less. That boost of confidence I had from a face full of makeup was the confidence I wanted with my natural face.

Shortly after, I met the man who would become my husband at a rave. He was attracted to me without makeup and liked me for who I really was. I was the first woman he dated who didn’t wear makeup. He never gave me slack for it, even though he was occasionally surprised that I didn’t wear it when we were going out.

At our Christian wedding, I barely wore any makeup, and even at my traditional Indian wedding, I kept telling the person doing my makeup it was all too much. I wanted to look in the mirror and see myself on one of the most important days of my life.

I’m OK with aging

As I get older, I know I won’t change my mind about makeup. Antiaging culture takes away the beauty of aging, even though it is just a normal process of life. I am wiser now. I know more. I make better decisions. I am proof of a life lived, and my skin shows that. I don’t have to accept what media and society tell me growing old looks like. My skin will sag and become wrinkly, and that’s OK. We’re not immortal.

I now have two sons, but if I ever have a daughter, I want to pass on what I inherited from my mom — a confidence and acceptance of my own, raw self, makeup-free.