‘I Feel Like I’m A Renter,’ Says A Husband Whose Wife Loaned Him Money For Big Expenses Like HVAC And Mortgage As He Was Making Less Money

A husband from Oregon says years of financial stress in his marriage came down to one uncomfortable reality: he felt less like a partner and more like a tenant in his own home.

Calling into “The Ramsey Show” recently, Mark from Eugene explained that during the early years of his marriage, his wife earned far more than he did and handled major household expenses upfront. But instead of treating those costs as shared, she expected him to pay her back his half, even when it meant going into debt.

When Marriage Starts Feeling Like A Lease Agreement

“I feel like I’m a renter at times,” Mark said, describing a setup where big-ticket items like heating, ventilation, and air conditioning upgrades, solar panels, the mortgage, and daycare were split down the middle regardless of income.

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At the time, Mark was earning roughly $40,000 to $50,000 a year while his wife made more than $130,000 and had over $100,000 in savings. When a major expense came up, she paid cash, then told him, “Okay, now you owe me half.”

“Zero parts of that make sense,” co-host George Kamel said when Mark asked if one person makes more than the other, the other person should go into debt to pay the other spouse back. Mark added that while paying her back eventually made them “square,” the process was stressful and dragged on for years.

The pressure extended beyond home repairs. Mark said he was still expected to pay exactly half of the mortgage and daycare costs even when his lower income meant he had little left to save for retirement. “That’s going to not allow me to put as much into, say, a 401(k) or savings,” he said.

Kamel said the arrangement sounded less like a marriage and more like “fancy roommates who cuddle on the weekends.” He added that nothing about the situation suggested shared goals, shared decisions, or shared money.

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“Who makes more doesn’t matter,” Kamel said. He gave an example from his own marriage, noting that his wife stays home and earns no income. “It would be insane for me to say, ‘Well, babe, since you make nothing, you owe me half,’” he said, adding that he would be “sleeping on the couch if I’m lucky.”

Mark acknowledged that his wife is about 11 years older and had a strong sense of independence before they met. He said he understands that mindset, but it becomes a problem when it turns into leverage.