I Felt Lost When My Kids Left for College; Here’s How I Stay Connected

After wiping my tears on the drive home and adjusting to the quiet of my house, I was surprised by what lingered. Naturally, I missed my kids when they left for college, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of helplessness.

My two oldest children are now away at college, and my youngest is preparing to leave the nest in a year. Now, there’s nothing for me to do. They no longer need me in the same way they once did, and finding my place has been challenging.

I answer calls and texts, but I want to feel a sense of closeness to them. There’s a fine line between connecting and hovering. Thankfully, I know showing up at their door unannounced isn’t the best idea — at least not if I want to maintain a relationship.

But how can I let them know how loved they are without hovering over them? And how could I overcome the restless, helpless feeling that lingers?

It all started with a food delivery gone wrong.

I sent my daughter cookies through the mail

For my oldest daughter, I was beside myself that she wouldn’t be home for our traditional First Day of School Cookies. Her brother and sister would be here, but she would miss out.

I quickly got to work baking and packaging cookies to send express mail to her at school. She would love it, I thought.

I eagerly awaited her heartfelt reaction. The only problem was that the cookies took a roundabout route across the country. They arrived a week late and were a crumbled, stale mess by the time she got them.

Lesson learned.

Food is always a welcome delivery for my college kids

Now, I send food more reliably and save the homemade cookies for when my kids are home. That’s why I go to the professionals.

Having a company send treats is a much better way to ensure my kids get something delicious. I now send Bang Cookies, and my college kids love them.

Whether it’s cookies, ice cream, or even a full meal, I’ve found great options online. A surprise local delivery is also a fun option. I’ve sent a pizza or other treats from someplace near their school, which is an appreciated boost for late-night studying or just hanging out with friends.

Sometimes I send the necessities

While the surprise food treats are fun, sometimes a box of necessities is a welcome delivery. Sites like Amazon, Walmart, and Target make it easy to send essentials.

This isn’t about curated, Instagram-worthy care packages. This is a quick and easy “Add-to-Cart” package that ships directly to my students.

The things I send are usually an eclectic mix: beef jerky, hair products, extra pens and notebooks, and laundry detergent. And I always add a favorite candy or beverage.

These packages remind them that I love them in practical ways, even when they’re far from home.

Plus, it helps me feel like I can still take care of them a little bit without having to swoop in.

The most important thing I do is send encouraging messages

I have to resist texting my kids too much. This is a time for them to grow into their independence, after all. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t reach out occasionally. Instead of waiting for long video chats where they tell me everything about their day, I send random encouraging texts — with zero expectations.

The lack of expectation is the key to this working. These texts aren’t bait to hook them into a long back-and-forth. They are simple statements that come to mind when I think of them, but not every single day. That would definitely fall in the hovering category.

Instead, I send a random “I’m proud of you” or “Good night.” Texts like these go a long way, even if my kids don’t show it. I can remind them how loved they are, and that they always have family to support them.

It’s a simple thing that makes me feel connected to my college kids without overwhelming them.