I Quit My Job to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom. It Doesn’t Mean I ‘Retired.’

I thought I’d return to work after the birth of my first son, but once he was born, the thought of leaving him felt like a sucker punch to the gut.

When I announced I would stay home, my friend gave me a “Congratulations on Your Retirement” card. I was 24 at the time — hardly ready to retire.

It was a tough decision to make

For me, like many other new parents, the decision to leave the workforce was multifaceted. I didn’t have family available to watch my infant, and other childcare options both made me uneasy and were expensive. Sending him to day care would have consumed 25% of my take-home income, which just didn’t feel worth it when I wasn’t totally comfortable with it in the first place.

At first, being a full-time parent felt like falling into a career void. I started to dread the question, “What do you do for a living?”

When I answered honestly, I often heard, “Well, that’s an important job too.”

Well-meaning, yes. But it sometimes felt dismissive. After all, no one tells a doctor or lawyer their job is important — they just know.

Staying home helped me discover and polish my interests

Full-time motherhood allowed me to explore different parts of myself and take risks I wouldn’t have considered if I’d remained in my old job.

A fellow mom friend and I started a small business together. We plunged into marketing, product creation, manufacturing, and financial management, working from home as our children ran amok. It was the school of hard knocks.

When we closed the business due to family obligations, I turned to writing. I wrote feverishly during naps and evenings. Over seven years, I drafted multiple novels, two of which are forthcoming with a small press under a pen name. I also acquired a literary agent and started a weekly writing critique group that still meets.

I even ran a homeschool co-op from my home, teaching art history, science, and literature. This became my second education. One year, I condensed Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night” into a digestible three-scene play that my students performed for their parents in the original language.

I am grateful for those years I got to tap into my creative energy. I wouldn’t have pursued any of it if I hadn’t first stayed home with my firstborn. That’s why I wish we’d stop calling full-time parenthood a “motherhood gap.” It gave me life skills I wouldn’t have gained elsewhere.

I now need to work again, but I’m finding a balance

Then my husband was laid off, and while I’d always helped out financially by taking side work, it was suddenly clear that I needed a steadier income. Thanks to my writing experience, I found my niche in freelance work. But working 30+ hours a week with three kids meant I often resorted to night and weekend hours.

It was proof that being a stay-at-home parent was a full workload all along, even if it was paycheck-less.

Researcher Suzanne Slaughter writes about how many working moms want better options, not just full-time or nothing. She suggests employers offer remote, flexible, part-time positions that let mothers stay in the workforce without burning out. Reading her words kindled a fire in me. I missed the slow mornings of cuddling my toddler before the weight of deadlines crept in.

So, I’ve reduced my hours, trying to find a rhythm that works better for our family. It’s not perfect. I still get distracted or feel pulled in too many directions. But I try to pause for long stretches to cook them a good meal, take a family walk, or read a book.

I want to be more present because I know that my presence is everything — for them and for myself. Although I love freelance writing, I will always value my first job more — parenthood — a job I will, thankfully, never retire from.