There are a lot of qualities we might look for in a life partner: trustworthiness, shared values and possibly a sense of humor. One that might not come to mind is whether you have a similar money mindset. But it’s an important factor to consider.
“There is no more important decision that you can make in your life than who you choose as a life partner,” Ray Dalio, founder of Bridgewater Associates, wrote in a recent post on Reddit. (1)
Indeed, Dalio said that if he had to choose between meaningful work or meaningful relationships, he’d pick the relationships — and “the most meaningful one is with a great life partner.”
The payoff isn’t just emotional; it’s “practical”.
When it comes to the practical side of things — like buying major assets, paying bills, saving for the future or spending for fun — sharing a similar money mindset can reduce conflict down the road.
Do you and your partner align on these three key financial values? (2)
Nearly one in four couples say money is their biggest relationship challenge, according to Fidelity’s Couples and Money study. And one in five primary decision-makers admits they resent handling financial matters alone. (3)
Overcoming that challenge starts with a shared budget. Look at your combined income and list all shared and individual expenses. Then decide on how to split those expenses.
There are plenty of strategies to choose from, like the 50/30/20 rule (50% for household expenses, 30% for wants and 20% for savings and debt).
A budget should also set spending limits, especially if one partner tends to splurge. It’s also a good time to come up with a plan to pay off existing debts and save for future goals, whether that’s buying a home, raising kids or retiring comfortably.
You’ll also need to decide how to fund that budget. Will you share a single joint account, or take the “me, you, ours” approach — keeping separate accounts for personal spending and a joint one for shared costs?
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Having separate accounts is one thing. Having secret accounts is another.
Financial infidelity — when one partner lies about their finances — can involve anything from hiding small purchases to concealing major gambling debts.
In one study, nearly half of Americans in committed relationships (45%) said that keeping financial secrets is as bad as physical infidelity. Yet 40% admitted to doing it. That’s not exactly a solid foundation for building long-term trust. (4)
The most common secret is overspending (33%), but other examples include hidden debt, undisclosed credit cards or secret bank accounts.
If you and your partner do maintain separate accounts, be transparent about what’s in them and how you’re using them.
If financial infidelity has already happened, a couple may want to work with a financial counselor or advisor. Rebuilding trust will take openness, accountability and time.
When it comes to investing for the future, one partner may be more risk-averse than the other — and that can affect how you plan for retirement.
Studies suggest men are generally more comfortable taking financial risks than women, though experience plays a big role too. (5)
Risk tolerance influences both spending decisions and your portfolio strategy. Maybe one partner wants to chase higher returns for future income, while the other prefers a steady, low-risk approach.
If you can’t find common ground on how to invest, it may help to bring in a financial advisor. They can help calculate the rate of return you need to reach specific goals and balance your individual comfort levels.
Keep in mind that your approach might differ depending on whether you’re saving for a short-term goal — like buying a house — or a long-term one, such as retirement. (6)
Choosing the right partner can also boost your bottom line.
A study in the Journal of Sociology found that married respondents had per-person net worths 77% higher than single respondents — and their wealth grew 16% for each year of marriage. (7)
Another study from Washington University in St. Louis found that people with reliable partners tend to make more money and earn more promotions at work. (8)
Two incomes can go a long way. You can share costs, pool savings and invest more efficiently.
But being financially mismatched can hold you back. If one partner invests 15% of their income while the other spends that money on impulse buys, the couple could end up missing out on hundreds of thousands of dollars by retirement, and that could also breed resentment.
The fix? Communication.
Try scheduling regular “money dates” — once a month, for example — to review your budget, discuss upcoming expenses and check in on long-term goals.
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We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
Reddit (1); Tullopy (2); Fidelity (3); Bankrate (4); Science Direct (5; Kitces (6); Researchgate (5); Washington University (8).
This article originally appeared on Moneywise.com under the title: Ray Dalio says choosing the right partner is life’s most important decision — make sure you align on these 3 money musts
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
