Things Wedding Guests Should Never Do, According to Etiquette Coaches

A lot of time, effort, and money go into planning a wedding, so it’s important for guests to be on their best behavior during the festivities.

That’s why Business Insider asked four etiquette experts about the mistakes guests should never make at a wedding. Here’s what they said.

Ignoring the deadline to RSVP

Weddings, especially larger ones, require significant planning and coordination.

That’s why Nick Leighton — cohost of the etiquette-centric podcast “Were You Raised by Wolves?” — said it’s important to abide by the RSVP deadline on a wedding invitation.

“There are few things more rude than leaving a host hanging, so be sure to RSVP promptly,” Leighton told BI.

Arriving late to the ceremony

Although you may routinely show up late to other events, weddings are not a place for tardiness. In this environment, late arrivals can disrupt the flow of the ceremony or reception.

“Arriving late to a wedding ceremony is a social faux pas,” etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts said. “Guests should plan to arrive at least 15 minutes early.”

Ignoring the dress code

Etiquette expert Jamila Musayeva said ignoring the dress code for a wedding is inconsiderate and disrespectful.

“When a guest shows up underdressed, it disturbs the aesthetic and can even make others uncomfortable. It’s always better to be slightly overdressed than risk looking out of place,” Musayeva told BI.

Wearing white or light-colored styles

Jo Hayes, an etiquette expert and founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org, told BI it’s never OK for guests to wear all-white, cream, or pale pastel outfits.

“Do not wear a style that looks remotely bridal. You do not want to come even close to stealing the bride’s spotlight,” Hayes said.

However, she said white elements in an outfit are OK if they’re within reason.

Taking photos during the ceremony without explicit permission to do so

Nothing can ruin wedding photos like camera flashes and raised arms holding up phones.

To mitigate this issue, many couples now request “unplugged” ceremonies, where smartphones and other electronic devices are kept out of sight.

Musayeva told BI that ignoring the couple’s wishes and using a phone are among the most disrespectful things a guest can do during a ceremony.

Bringing an uninvited plus one

Unconfirmed guests — including children — impact headcounts, meal planning, and table dynamics, and cause stress and frustration for the couple and wedding coordinators.

“Bringing someone who wasn’t explicitly invited places an unexpected financial and logistical burden on the couple,” Musayeva said.

Overindulging at the bar

Open bars are a popular choice for weddings, but Musayeva told BI it’s important that guests don’t overdo it.

“Drinking excessively shows a lack of self-awareness and puts unnecessary strain on the hosts,” Musayeva said. “A guest who becomes disruptive, loud, or sloppy can change the tone of the evening entirely. It shifts attention away from the couple and onto someone’s behavior.”

Straying from the wedding registry

Although giving the couple a personal and thoughtful gift might seem gracious, Grotts said wedding guests should avoid straying from the provided wedding registry, as it can create more work for the couple down the road.

“A couple’s registry is a curated list reflecting their needs and tastes,” Grotts told BI. “Disregarding it can result in redundant or unwanted items, hence returns.”

Making the day about you

Hayes told BI that claiming the spotlight with any big personal announcement or news is both self-centered and inconsiderate.

“Don’t steal the spotlight or make the day about yourself in any way. This includes no wedding proposals or baby news announcements. The day is about the couple, not you,” Hayes said.

Assuming you can take food home with you

Leighton said it’s never tasteful for guests to bring to-go containers with them, no matter how casual the wedding is.

“The hosts want you to have a nice time, but they probably don’t want to cater all your meals for the week,” he said.

It’s best to avoid banking on the idea of leftovers altogether — and always ask permission before taking anything home.