A man said his wife spends nearly $20,000 every month while he covers most of their household’s bills, even though she earns $220,000 a year. He explained that she contributes about 25% toward fixed costs, while he pays 75%.
When he suggested a budget, she dismissed it. The couple, who earn a combined $400,000, are depleting savings that were supposed to go toward buying a home.
The original poster shared his financial struggle on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum, where users debated who was responsible.
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The couple lives in the Washington, D.C., area with two children in public school. Their after-tax household income is about $19,000 per month, but OP said their spending exceeds that amount. He wrote that his wife directs most of her pay to shopping, restaurants and other discretionary costs while leaving him responsible for core expenses.
Husband Covers Most Essentials
According to OP, the rent is $6,000, split evenly. Beyond that, he covers nearly all recurring bills, including $1,700 for groceries, $2,600 for children’s activities, $995 for child care, $550 for cleaning, $450 for a car loan and $900 for pets. He said his wife’s Amazon purchases also fall on him.
She also carries a significant credit card balance, with $500 in monthly interest charges. OP added that her discretionary spending often rises into five figures, even in months without vacations or major purchases.
“She says that I am controlling and suffocating, and there is no joy in life if she can’t freely spend,” he wrote.
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Users Suggest Solutions
“This is why I advise everyone to have a hard conversation about money before getting married,” one poster said, criticizing the imbalance. “If she continues to insist on spending like this, then tell her she needs to spend it out of her income and get a separate account for yourself. Don’t let her spend you out of a better future.”
Another Redditor added that “her discretionary spending should only be after she pays half the required bills (at least).”
“Separate your money, STAT. Start contributing to a joint account for bills and another separate account for savings EQUALLY. Then let her use her leftover for her discretionary spending,” a commenter wrote.
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Renting While Savings Shrink
OP addressed criticism about renting despite their income. He said the family moved recently and wanted to avoid buying until they were certain of location. “Moreover, the real estate prices are declining right now, so this is probably not the best time to purchase,” he wrote.
He added that homes in their neighborhood sell for $2 million to $3 million, with mortgages reaching $15,000 monthly once taxes and insurance are factored in.
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