Some people dream of retiring by the beach. Others just want someone else to do the dishes.
That’s the gist of one Reddit post from a woman who says her 65-year-old in-laws, both healthy and fully independent, announced they want to move into a retirement community—not for medical care, but so “they’d enjoy being waited on and have somebody else clean/cook/care for them.” And rather than sell their home to fund this new lifestyle, they expect her and her husband to foot the bill.
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There’s a complication: they can afford it, they just don’t want to. The in-laws are choosing to hold onto their home in order to “leave it to their younger son,” whom the woman describes as “kind of a deadbeat.” That same son already received a house and a car from them, while the woman and her husband—who moved across the country and built a life with no help from his side of the family—have received nothing. In fact, her parents have contributed more than $500,000 over the past 15 years to help launch the husband’s business and support their two children, both of whom are on the autism spectrum.
“I did everything myself: raised the kids, homeschooled them, managed all the doctors, maintained the house… so that husband can build a career,” she wrote. “With my family’s money and his skills, he built a good business.”
Now, her husband wants to honor his mother’s wishes and cover the cost of this retirement plan—a decision she’s strongly against. “They don’t even need to be in a retirement home. They just want the lifestyle without the work,” she said.
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If the couple agrees to pay, it won’t come cheap. A Place for Mom reports the national median cost of an independent living community is $3,145 per month, though that figure can climb to $5,650 depending on location, amenities, and whether luxury services are included. These communities typically cover meals, housekeeping, transportation, and maintenance—exactly the kind of setup her in-laws are asking for.
But here’s the catch: many such communities don’t allow you to retain full home equity and still qualify for discounted or needs-based rates. If the in-laws hold onto the house, the financial responsibility may shift entirely to the adult children—meaning the poster and her husband could be signing up to subsidize two decades of convenience living for people who aren’t in need of care.
Commenters on Reddit focused less on the parents and more on the husband’s refusal to set boundaries. “Husband needs to understand that paying for their retirement will not make his parents love him,” one person replied. Others suggested the wife demand repayment of the $500,000 her parents gave before agreeing to fund anything else.
While the emotional baggage—guilt, obligation, sibling favoritism—is heavy, the financial risk could be even heavier. If the couple takes on a $40,000-per-year commitment, they could be looking at an $800,000 expense over 20 years. For a family already navigating the unknowns of raising children who may need lifelong support, that kind of burden isn’t generosity. It’s financial sabotage.
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For those facing similar crossroads, it’s worth reviewing long-term care plans, home equity strategies, and potential options for generating passive income.
Some platforms now let individuals invest in fractional shares of real estate, giving them a way to grow wealth through property equity without the hassle of owning or managing a home outright. These options can be especially useful for those who want to diversify income streams and build long-term financial stability—even while juggling caregiving responsibilities or uncertain future expenses.
Still, navigating aging parents’ expectations, especially when inheritance is used as leverage, is as much about clarity as cash flow. A financial adviser can help evaluate the real cost of generosity—and whether it’s worth compromising your future, or your children’s, for someone else’s comfort.
Because sometimes, the difference between support and servitude is spelled out in a monthly invoice.
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