A woman from San Diego said she feels like she’s being punished for her husband’s past financial mistakes, even after he got sober and worked to turn things around. Calling into “The Ramsey Show,” Alexandra said combining finances now feels less like a fresh start and more like serving a sentence for debt she didn’t create.
Alexandra told host Co-host John Delony that she and her husband had been together for 12 years and married for seven, but never fully merged their money. Keeping things separate felt safer, she said, especially after years of hidden spending, credit cards, and alcohol abuse. A brief separation followed before her husband chose sobriety and began aggressively paying down debt.
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That progress left Alexandra facing a new struggle. She has about $25,000 saved after nearly a decade of disciplined budgeting, while her husband still carries car debt, student loans, and lingering credit cards.
Delony said the hesitation wasn’t about math. It was about trust. He told Alexandra she wanted back into the marriage but still had “one foot on shore,” a natural response after living through addiction and secrecy. Keeping money separate gave her safety, he said, but also created the illusion that his actions never truly affected her.
Addiction, Delony said, changes the rules. He acknowledged that separate accounts can make sense when someone is actively draining money. However, he warned that long-term marriage cannot work without full commitment. Vulnerability, he said, means risking pain again rather than insulating yourself from it.
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Alexandra pushed back, saying separation protected her financially for years. Delony disagreed. He said the chaos still took an emotional toll and forced her to live half-married, enjoying companionship without confronting whether her partner was safe and trustworthy.
As the call continued, the focus shifted. Co-host Jade Warshaw asked Alexandra to list the remaining debt. It totaled less than her savings, and her husband had already cut credit cards from $15,000 to $2,000 while working long hours through Uber and Lyft.
That’s when Delony stopped her. This wasn’t fear of relapse, he said. It was attachment to her savings. As long as she described the money as “mine,” he told her, combining finances would fail.
