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A 35-year-old only child is preparing to welcome her second baby, but instead of concentrating entirely on her growing family, she is worried about how she’ll eventually support four aging parents.
Her divorced parents are in their early 70s, live alone and have no savings. They survive paycheck to paycheck, and both have experienced serious health problems in recent years. Although they have never presented her with a formal care plan, she believes she already knows what they expect.
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“It’s so stressful with them having no money and no plan,” she wrote in a recent Reddit post. “I am pretty sure I am the plan.”
Her Own Children Have To Come First
The poster lives about two hours away from her parents and has already helped them financially numerous times. However, she and her husband both work full time and couldn’t afford to cover two additional households.
They also couldn’t leave their jobs to provide full-time care. She has taken days off to help her parents recover from surgery, but those absences now compete with the days she needs when her toddler is sick or unable to attend daycare.
There’s no simple solution at home, either. The couple doesn’t have a spare bedroom, so moving in a parent would require their children to share. Even then, they would face an uncomfortable question: Who gets the room?
“And then who do I pick?” she asked. “Mom, dad, or in-laws?”
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Her financially secure in-laws have also said they expect to live with the couple once they can no longer live independently. They were reportedly “very offended” when told that arrangement wouldn’t be possible.
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‘Adult Children Are Not a Retirement Plan’
In a follow-up comment, the woman explained that she has a good relationship with her parents, but they have always been poor and couldn’t help her financially. She has worked for everything she has while regularly helping them.
“If I had unlimited money, I would help them,” she wrote, “but it’s simply impossible to support my own family and the two of them.”
Her priorities include giving her children opportunities she didn’t have, paying for their education without debt and building enough retirement security that they will never inherit the same burden.
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Many commenters urged her to establish firm boundaries before a health emergency forces the issue. One suggested telling her parents directly that any future plan must not depend on her money or spare space.
“Adult children are not a retirement plan,” another summarized the prevailing view directly. “By the time someone is in their 70s, they had decades to plan and figure out what their care plan will be.”
Some people said they would gladly care for parents with whom they had loving, supportive relationships. Others said their parents had deliberately saved, purchased long-term care insurance or arranged assisted living because they didn’t want their children to carry the cost.
The poster’s fear reflects a growing squeeze for adults raising young children while their parents begin needing help. “My husband and I are very stressed about our parents at a time when we should be focusing on our upcoming baby and planning for our future,” she wrote.
Image: Shutterstock
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This article My Parents Have Nothing Saved for Retirement and I’m Their Only Plan. They Expect to Move In With Me, but There’s No Room for Them in My Home originally appeared on Benzinga.com
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